11 weeks!

How far along: 11 weeks exactly!

Baby is the size of: a lime (Ugh, I could totally go for a margarita)

Total weight gain/loss: no idea - which is nice since I am uber critical about this; however, pants are starting to not fit and the dress I was going to wear to Beth's wedding this weekend doesn't fit quite the same way either now... ugh.

Symptoms:I am starving in the morning when I wake up - like I could eat a small village.  I am also having the craziest dreams which I hear is totally normal.

Food Cravings: Breakfast food, especially pancakes, shredded hash browns and scrapple.

What I miss: tonight when Brandon and I went out to dinner at Uno's there was a "sangarita" on the drink menu (sangria + margarita) and, while I have never had it, I definitely missed it tonight haha

What I am looking forward to: I am still looking forward to our next ultrasound and feeling some movement.  I am also looking forward to actually showing and not being in that weird "is she bloated or what?" stage of things.

Gender Predictions: I am standing firm with boy.  Brandon told me tonight at dinner that he thinks girl.  I think his logic if he says it's a girl and plans for a girl mentally, then it will be a boy.  I know he won't say it out loud, but he definitely wants a boy.

Maternity Clothes:  Today I had to purchase a maternity dress to wear to Beth's wedding. Anything fitted just makes me look pudgy and is totally unflattering and the wrong waist line is totally uncomfortable.  The dress isn't an obvious maternity dress, which is nice - just a matter of being an empire waistline. I am going to look into some maternity pants for work this weekend as well as a belly band.  I am told my life will drastically improve when I am not so worried about the pants fitting.  Here's to hoping it's true!  Especially for Brandon's sake!  Last week I had an anxiety attack and basically a nervous breakdown because I couldn't get anything in my closet to fit/match.  I had tried on three pairs of pants, six different tops, two dresses and a skirt.  Poor Brandon had to basically pick out my clothes and dress me for work.  Heaven help us all.  At least he sent me to work in a matching outfit.

Wedding Rings: Very much on and kind of loose!  I am sure that is the lack of sodium I am having in my diet now!

Movement: Nothing yet, but I don't think I will feel anything until week 20 or so.

Best Moment of the Last Week: During our 9 week ultrasound we saw a cyst on the cord so it was a very nerve wracking week.  By the Friday after the ultrasound, I was starting to have dreams every night about ultrasounds and I would be in the waiting room of a doctor's office waiting for my ultrasound and when they would finally call me back I would wake up, or when I would get into the room where the ultrasound would take place and the door would shut, I would wake up.  Then when I would fall back asleep I would be in the same dream all over again.  This happened for three nights in a row.  By the forth night, my nurse/friend Jordan had entered the dream and was going to school to become a sonographer so that I wouldn't have to wait in the waiting room anymore. I finally told Dr. Levy about it and he offered to do an ultrasound before he left for his speaking tour in Asia (isn't he incredible?!). We did an ultrasound at 10 weeks and 2 days and the cyst was completely gone, like it was never there. Talk about a relief. So that was the best moment of the last week.  On top of that, after that ultrasound, the weird dreams went away, so I am feeling good!

10 Weeks!

I have been waiting to do these posts my entire life... or since Brandon made my chalkboard and turned my pregnancy tracker dream into a reality!  So here goes... the first of my weekly pregnancy belly pictures and posts!

How far along: 10 weeks exactly!

Baby is the size of: a cherry or a prune

Total weight gain/loss: down five pounds since February 8th... not sure how that's even possible but I'll take it!

Symptoms: NONE! well none of the obvious symptoms. I have been having CRAZY dreams.  Like the other night I had a dream that we were given twin girls and I was pregnant with this baby and I was freaking out that we didn't have anything for the baby - or the twins.  I woke up in a cold sweat - so the next day I started our registry... and Brandon and I came up with our stock up on diapers plan.  I refuse to be unprepared!

Food Cravings: None really.  I don't have cravings yet so much as fixations.  I have something to eat and then that's all I want to eat.  Last week it was Panera's Chopped BBQ chicken salad. I had it when a pharmacy rep brought it for lunch, then I made Brandon stop at Panera that night so I could have it for dinner and for lunch again the next day.  

What I miss: WINE! I didn't think I would miss it the way I am, but I do.  The weather has been begging for wine on the deck, but nope, can't do it.  Also, margaritas... but maybe that was only last week when we found a little Mexican restaurant with $1.99 happy hour margs.

What I am looking forward to: It's tough.  I am looking forward to our next ultrasound, feeling movement, finding out the gender.  Although, they do have these urine gender tests you can do that tells you gender as early as 10 weeks.  While I wouldn't put any of my eggs in that basket, it might be fun to do just because this is our first.  My co-worker Jessica and her sister both tried it and it was correct, so you never know!

Gender Predictions: So far most people I work with say boy (it doesn't help that everyone on the 3rd floor nursing wing who has had a baby in the last 3 years has had a boy); however, my supervisor, Karen, has a very strong girl feeling.  Brandon won't play along and make a prediction, but right now - I think boy.  I am told girls give hell when it comes to morning sickness and I have not had one single symptom.  So we'll see... only 7-10 weeks until we'll find out :)

Maternity Clothes:  I have made purchases, but haven't had to wear anything yet.  And by purchases, I mean I bought more maxi dresses since they are SO maternity friendly and pre/post maternity friendly.  I also bought 2-3 plain shirts that are maternity but I am hoping I won't need them for awhile.  Somehow my skinny pants still fit and so do my work pants.  Although, I did nearly have a stroke when I struggled with a pair of jeans over the weekend.  I am definitely going to have to invest in a belly band this weekend.

Wedding Rings: Very much on!

Movement: Nothing yet.

Best Moment of the Last Week:  Seeing baby dub wiggling and moving like crazy on our ultrasound last Tuesday.  It is crazy seeing that little heart beat and those little arm nubs flail about :)

Thank God for Small Miracles

At SGFC, the first blood pregnancy test for patients doing IVF is 18 days post-ER.  I thought I was going to have no problem waiting that long.  I have plenty of activities to keep me busy, between work and dinner plans.  I was wrong.

Sunday, March 3rd exactly one week from my embryo transfer I felt inspired to clean the bathroom.  Generally, Brandon is the one who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom (since he is the gross man who makes about 99% of the mess in the bathroom anyways), but I saw this scrubbing bubbles commercial and I love the sound of scrubbing bubbles working it's magic, so I decided I would cut my husby some slack and clean the bathroom. I opened the cabinet under the sink to get the cleaning supplies and BOOM! there it was - one single pregnancy test.  In my opinion, this was a sign from God.  I mean, if I didn't see that scrubbing bubbles commercial  then I wouldn't have wanted to clean the bathroom, then I wouldn't have opened that cabinet and found the test.  In my humble opinion, God basically told me to take that pregnancy test.  So I did it.

I nearly shit a brick.  The test immediately came back as pregnant.  I ran down the stairs and shoved the pee covered stick in a sleeping Brandon's face.  HOLY SHIT WE'RE HAVING A BABY! I wish I had taken a picture of his face.  His expression was one of love and happiness, fear and surprise all at once.  It was priceless.  I was so in shock that I went to Walgreen's and bought three more.  I waited a few hours and peed on another stick.  Yup, still pregnant.

Monday morning I peed on another stick - still pregnant.  I told Jordan what I had done and, God love her, she ratted me out to Dr. Levy.  Surprisingly, Dr. Levy wasn't mad.  He laughed at me.  I guess my impatience was no surprise to him.  He said if I am going to really cheat - I might as well cheat the right way and do a blood test the following day... four days early.  While I had gotten a positive on a stick - I was very nervous about the blood work.  Tuesday morning I got into the office at 6:30 and I did the blood work.  I knew that if I did it super early I could have my results back by 9:30.  So I did it and then I anxiously waited for my results.  The nurses and I had done the math and we wanted to see my blood levels at around 68.  We'd be happy with 68.  The endocrine lab was taking forever, so I called them - a machine went down and they had to re-run the blood.  Finally, around 11:00 in the morning my results came in.  My first blood pregnancy level was 153.  Holy shit, it's really real.  I repeated the blood test another 3 times - each time my number increased by even more than we has expected.  It's really happening.  

It's official - Baby Wilkinson is on the way :)  Our expected delivery date - November 12, 2013.  Yep, you read that correctly.  After getting married 9-10-11, our first baby is expected 11-12-13.  God works in mysterical ways and we are so thankful for that.

The Big "T" and I'm not talking about my cousin Teresa

The morning of my transfer felt like a normal Sunday morning. There didn't seem to be anything special about this day. We got up, we showered, we yelled at the dogs - nothing unusual. Nothing unusual, until we got into the truck to drive to Rockville for the embryo transfer anyways.  It seemed weird to be driving to the my workplace on a Sunday, even though I had done it so many times before.  Maybe it was because this time when I was on my way there, Brandon was with me.  Or maybe it was the fact that it was light outside.  Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that I was going to have an embryo placed into my uterus that could potentially become our first born child.  Hmm, yep, maybe that was it.

We arrived on the forth floor to be greeted by a friendly face, Teran.  I work with Teran on a daily basis, so it was comforting to have him there as opposed to the other weekend PSR (patient services representative) that I don't know.  A pro of having Teran at the front desk - I could look over his shoulder at my chart to see how my embryos were developing.  If someone I didn't know was there - there was no way he/she was going to let me look over his/her shoulder to see my chart, especially since I looked like a bum in my tshirt and Brandon's sweatpants.  "I swear I work here - please let me see my chart" ...yea, right.

We had only been sitting in the waiting room maybe ten minutes before Sabrina, one of the MAs from the transfer area, came out to get us.  We were taken in the back, our IDs were checked, we put little booties on over our shoes (well in my case, over my socks) and we were taken into the room where we would have our transfer.  That's when the worst wait was and we only had to wait for fifteen minutes, but it was the longest fifteen minutes of my life.  I am sure this is in large part to the fact that I was sitting half-naked on a table while Brandon sat quietly in the corner reading facebook/twitter/realGM and not talking to me.  

Finally, Dr. O'Brien and Karen (my dream team) came into the room.  Dr. O'Brien confirmed that I was who I am (which even she felt silly doing considering I had been her stand-in clinical assistant for over a year), and we got started.  After she made sure she had a clear path to the uterus, she called Martha from embryology into the little room.  Martha confirmed again that I am who I am and our treatment plan (aka the fact that we were only putting back ONE embryo... sorry mom, we don't really want twins just yet... or ever).  Once Martha had confirmed the information, she went back into the lab and picked out the best looking of our little friends.  Dr. O'Brien placed the gorgeous little embryo into my uterus and that was that.  The process itself took all of ten - fifteen minutes, maybe.  Before we left, Martha gave us a picture of the candidate for Baby Wilkinson - it's a beauty.  Then Lisa, the same nurse from the retrieval, came in to do my discharge instructions.  I am telling you - I had the Shady Grove dream team for both my retrieval and my transfer - I am very blessed.

Candidate #1 for Baby Wilkinson... dead ringer for Brandon, right?

Brandon and I went home and hung out... well, not really hung out - I sat in the recliner all day with my feet up. I was told to be on 24 hours of bed-rest.  Of course, the day I have to be on bed-rest it is absolutely gorgeous outside.  On the up side, the Daytona 500 was on which meant I could take a guilt free nap since I have zero interest in it and Brandon was excited that he could watch the race in peace.  And now, we wait. ....Again.

If I knew then, what I know now...

Now that I am three days out from the egg retrieval, I feel as though I have far more knowledge about the whole process than I did four days ago.

On Monday, I thought the retrieval day would be a bit easier.  I knew that I would be grogy after waking up from the procedure.  I knew I would be crampy after waking up from the procedure and for about 24-36 hours after the procedure.  I knew that I would need to double up on fluids.  I thought I knew a lot about what I was getting myself into.  For the love of God, I read all of the materials - so I should be totally prepared!  I was wrong.

On Tuesday, after I woke up from the procedure, I felt pretty good.  Hello drugs.  I went home, I ate lunch, I watched TV, answered work emails and I took a little nap or three.  I thought I was totally good to go.  I was an idiot.  The next morning I woke up, ready to take on the world - well, I was until I sat up anyways.  Good gracious - hello to you too ovaries.  I showered and looked for something to wear.  Six shirts and four pairs of pants later, I settled on some leggings and a dress.  Not because that's what I really wanted to be wearing, but because that is the only thing that fit.  I went to work, prepared to be productive and get myself caught up.  Foolish, foolish little girl.  I should have taken it as a hint when Dr. Levy was surprised I had actually come to work that day.  Somehow I made it through my first day back at work without falling asleep.  I guess the anesthesia takes longer to wear off than I thought...

Day two post-retrieval, I was still not capable of wearing anything but leggings and a tunic-dress.  Thank the Lord, I am a big believer in owning leggings.  I would not have survived without them.  I was still SO bloated and I was peeing about every 45 minutes thanks to all of the gatorade and water I was drinking - my pee had never been so clear in my life.  Apparently, this was a good sign.  About half-way through the day, I realized something.  I had not pooped since the morning of the retrieval.  If you know me, you know that I hate nothing more than bathroom humor and pooping.  Seriously - my mother made me a snob when it came to the topic.  I grew up in a home where ladies did not use bathroom humor and ladies did not talk about pooping.  (Sorry Mom, you might not want to hear this.)  By the end of the day on Thursday, I would have given my left leg to poop.  I tried everything: prunes, fiber one, coffee, docolax.  Nothing worked.

Today, three days out from the procedure, I am still crampy and I have yet to poop.  My ovaries hate when I laugh too hard, sneeze, cough, blow my nose or even roll over in the middle of the night without warning them. However, today we had a HUGE milestone in my post-retrieval battle.  I can wear real people pants!  I was so excited about this I made a point to go around and share the information with my co-workers.  Today is a day that I am very happy to work in a place where "OH MY GOD! MY PANTS FIT TODAY!!!" is cause for celebration and people don't look at you like you are crazy.

So if you are in the same boat as I am and will be doing IVF, or you are thinking about freezing your eggs for fertility preservation, let me give you some advice:
1. Start taking colace a day or two before your egg retrieval and keep taking it in the days after... I do not wish this kind of constipation on even my worst enemy.
2. Do not hang out with anyone who is mildly entertaining - your ovaries will thank you... and so will your bladder.  I am 99% sure I peed a little every time I laughed because my bladder was so full.
3. Try not to go through this in the winter when the sniffles are a normal thing and blowing your nose is common practice. Ouch.
4. Buy leggings if you don't already own them: not only are they stylish, but they fit and will make you feel like you actually accomplished getting dressed for the day.
And most importantly:
5. Surround yourself with the people who love you.  I have been so incredibly blessed to have such supportive family, friends and co-workers.  I know that I would not have gotten through this without them... even if they are the reason I peed myself a little.

D Day... er, R Day...?

So Sunday (2/17) we did the Lupron trigger shot at 9:15pm.  It went really well.  Brandon is absolutely incredible at giving shots.  He did a really awesome job throughout this entire experience.  I am so lucky to have him in my life.  I did have a weird reaction to the shot, but I text Jordan and she said that was normal.  On Monday (2/18), I had an appointment to make sure the the trigger shot worked.  It did :)  The fact that the trigger shot worked meant that Tuesday, February 19th, thirty-six hours after the trigger shot was done, at 9:15am I would have my egg retrieval.  Even though I work at SGFC and I am there every day of the business week and on so many weekends and I pass through the PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit) on an almost daily basis, I had absolutely NO idea what to expect.

I was told to arrive for my procedure at 7:45 in the morning.  Once we checked in, Karen (one of my absolute favorite people in the world) came to the waiting room to take us back to the PACU.  Once back there, they checked my ID and I signed some consents and I had to put on probably one of the least flattering hospital gowns ever.  Brandon and I just hung out in the bay and waited.  One of the pharmaceutical reps had brought breakfast and while I couldn't eat, Brandon could, so Monica brought him up a bagel with cream cheese.  I was very appreciative of the VIP treatment.  Prior to my retrieval, I had several visitors which made me feel really comfortable and relaxed.  Dr. O'Brien came to check-in with me prior to the retrieval and she was very encouraging. Given the fact the Dr. Levy and I are so close, I asked for Dr. O'Brien to do my procedures.  I mean, she had already done my HSG and my mock ET/saline sonogram - I figured it would be best for her to just do all my procedures.  You know, keep the number of people literally all up in my business to a minimum.

Finally the time had come.  Karen came to the bay to get me.  I went into the OR and I got to say - I don't really remember much after that.  I mean, I went into the room, an embryologist came in and confirmed my name and my social security number.  I sat down on the table and I had to skooch to the end of it (and it was much like the HSG when I thought I was going to fall on the floor).  I remember Steve (my favorite anesthesiologist) telling me it was all going to be ok and I remember my legs going into the stirrups and that's it.  Apparently, I was then prepped for the egg retrieval and my eggs retrieved.  This is done by inserting a sonogram wand with a needle attached to it through the va-ja and into the follicles to retrieve the eggs.  How friggin cool is that. Next thing I remembered, Sherry, one of the PACU nurses, was waking me up.  As for my eggs, they were taken to the embryology lab to be inseminated via ICSI and put in the petri dishes to grow.

While in recovery, I had plenty of visitors and I have to say, I felt plenty of love.  In fact, Jessica B. (one of Dr. Chang's nurses) and Elizabeth (our ArtWorks program specialist) came up to see me and brought me flowers and a card from the primary nursing team.  Monica brought me one of those brownie batter donuts from Dunkin Donuts for after my retrieval.  Dr. Levy came to see me and let me know that they retrieved thirteen eggs, ten of which were mature, which is quite impressive :)  Sherry came back by and I had to take a lap around the PACU to make sure that I was ok to walk around.  I was a champ.

When we got home, Brandon and I had pizza and I took a nap.  I woke up and was ready to go to work.  I text Jordan and I checked up on our patients.  She told me to go back to sleep.  What a buzz kill!  I listened though - I watched a little more TV and fell asleep again.   Before leaving work, Jessica B. sent me a text with a picture of my chart and I was so excited to get a sneak peak before getting into work tomorrow.

seeing the number of mature eggs made me smile :)

It's funny - even after all the monitoring, all the blood work and ultrasounds, all the shots and even the egg retrieval - this whole process still does not even feel real.  I said that to Brandon completely expecting him to look at me like I was insane, but he agreed.  I guess I am not the only one who feels like this has been a dream... a very weird dream.

The IVF Cycle Breakdown, Pt 2

This post was written in real time - each day was written as it happened and was saved to be posted at once.  It's an over-whelming process to go through, so I am sure that reading about it is just as exhausting!

Thursday, February 14th: Ahh Valentine's Day. Nothing says "I love you" like a morning shot of Ganirelix!  So we increased my dose of menopur and decreased my gonal-f yesterday and today things look really good.  My estrogen nearly doubled overnight and was sitting pretty at 1475.  I had 10 decent sized follicles on my left, and 10 on my right.  We started to take bets on when I would have my retrieval.  Donna from Dr. Sagoskin's team thinks Sunday, Jessica from Dr. Chang's team thinks Monday and Jordan thinks there is a 65% chance that I could go on Tuesday.  Dr. Levy reviewed my results and decreased my menopur a little bit.  He thinks my estrogen will be close to 22oo on Friday.

Friday, February 15th: Another morning dose of Ganirelix.  Today my follicles are even bigger.  It's absolutely insane how much they change overnight!  My estrogen went up to 1882, which isn't as high as Dr. Levy thought it would go, but is still a good rise.  Dr. Levy opted to keep my medications the same, which was ok with me.  Exciting part was that my mom would be at my house pretty soon after I got home and I was THRILLED to have her there.  It's nice to have my mom around when I am going through this stuff.

Saturday, February 16th: Since my mom was in town, I decided it might be best to drag her to one of my appointments.  While I am sure this was somewhat traumatizing for her, I wanted her there.  It was cool for her to get to see the follicles and the sonographer did a fabulous job explaining to her what things were and how the appointment was going.  It also made me happy that Dr. Levy was monitoring and that my mom got to see the man in action.  As much as I cringed at the thought of Dr. Levy being in the room for my appointments, the hormones make me emotional and attached to him.  Now, I really love having him there - it's so reassuring and comforting.  He thinks one more day of medications before we trigger - WOOHOO! My estrogen jumped to 3631 and I am starting to really feel my ovaries - holy crap.  Thank God, Dr. Levy decreased my medication dosage.

Sunday, February 17th:  My last monitoring appointment before the big day... well, just kidding, but it's the last appointment with an ultrasound before the big day!  Today my biggest follicles on the right were 26.4, 24.7, 19.4 and 19.0.  The biggest follicles on the left were: 21.1, 21.0, 20.1, and 20.0.  And I really have about 30 follicles that could go at retrieval.  Thanks to Dr. Levy's dosing yesterday, my estrogen only went up to 3692.  Now it's just a waiting game for the trigger times - what time will I need to take my Lupron and what time will that make my retrieval on Tuesday?! (Yep, Jordan was right!)

Ok - the final verdict: trigger at 9:15 pm tonight (2/17) for a retrieval at 9:15 am on Tuesday morning.  Here goes nothing!