airing things out and opening up - the truth about my infertility

As I mentioned in my last post, it came to my attention that I had unintentionally hurt the feelings of some very important people. While I have cleared things up with the person who was most prominently and unintentionally on the receiving end of things, I want to take a minute to open up about my struggle with infertility and clear up any misconceptions.

I think it's important that I make it clear that I make zero excuses for my thoughts, feelings and reactions.  I do not take back any of the things I have said, nor do I regret anything I have said or done because it is simply a product of the emotions that I felt and my personal experiences - I just feel bad that the things I said and how I reacted during such a difficult time were taken the wrong way or seen as an attack on someone I really care about.  Like I said, I want to air things out and really open up about my struggle with infertility.

I grew up with two very Catholic parents. My mom worked for the Archdiocese of Washington and ran the St. John Vianney House where priests from all over the world stayed when they visited the Archdiocese.  It was also a place where local priests held dinner meetings catered by my mother and journal groups met.  I got my community service hours by helping my mom with the catered dinners, cleaning the Vianney house and setting up the chapel for prayer.  While growing up, it was not an uncommon occurrence in my house for a priest to be coming over for dinner. Needless to say, I had the teachings of the church shoved down my throat. [Mom, I mean that in the nicest way possible.] When my older sister got her driver's license, we stole the readings book from the church [yea yea, I know, thou shalt not steal] because we would go to Starbucks instead of church, of course.  Before we would go to Starbucks, one of us would run in and see which priest was saying mass, then we would go get coffee and read the passages for that day and come up with a legitimate homily concept so that when we got home, we would pass whatever oral exam my mother would give us to make sure we had actually gone to church.  Like I said, seriously Catholic... not to mention, seriously afraid of our mother and her Catholic guilt trips. 

That being said, my parents, especially my father, had one request of us: do not get pregnant before you are married.  He made it abundantly clear that it was not something that would be tolerated in his house.  He said countless times that if you come home pregnant, you are no longer his responsibility because if a guy is man enough to get you pregnant, then he is man enough to support you and the child.  My mother preached about how sinful it was and how horrible it was. My sisters and I just rolled our eyes and kept it moving.  Some parents push higher education as the end all be all, my parents pushed marriage before children. I never realized just how much it would hurt them if it happened.  Given what I have said about my parents, you can only imagine how they reacted when my younger sister, an unemployed, pot head, college drop out, told my parents she was not only pregnant, but she was unsure who the father of the child actually was. This was something that devastated my family and from which we have yet to really recover.  [On the upside - I always try to look for the silver lining - it was because of my younger sister that my mom ok'd me not having a full Catholic wedding ceremony.  She was so happy that I was getting married before I was pregnant that a full Catholic mass was no longer the most important thing in the world.]


I say all that to move on to something seemingly unrelated, but I promise - it will all tie in together at the end. The timing of everything over the last year and a half or so has been brutal and my actions, unbeknownst to me, hurt people I never meant to hurt.  When Brandon's cousin Brittany announced her pregnancy, I was excited.  Because of the field I work in, I know the cost of prenatal vitamins and how quickly they add up, so I sent her some immediately.  I wanted her to know that we supported her and we were excited for her and Shane.  I mean, let's be honest, it definitely took some of the baby pressure off of me! At that point in time, Brandon and I had stopped taking birth control pills and were just letting life happen. Not trying but not preventing - we didn't want the pressure from either side of the family, so, my opinion at that time was that Brittany being pregnant bought us some more time of pressure free not preventing.

Brandon's family's reaction to the announcement was a complete 180 from the reaction my family had to my sister's pregnancy. It was so refreshing. It was soon after we found out about Brittany being pregnant that I miscarried.  I always tell Brandon how jealous I am that he grew up so close in age with his cousins - my cousin to which I am closest in age is still almost 10 years older than me - and I was so excited at the idea of raising babies so close in age. In the week between finding out I was pregnant and the miscarry, I must have had 100 day dreams about baby shopping, joint baby showers, and little joint family vacations down the shore to see Pop.  It wasn't until I miscarried that I developed baby fever.  I had no idea how much I wanted a baby and to be a mother. It's kind of like that saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" - I didn't know how much I wanted a baby and to start my own family until it was taken away from me. I was told by my younger sister that my miscarriage was God's way of saying that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother - she's a real gem isn't she.  As I opened up about in a previous post, the recovery from that was brutal.  

How I handled myself in the coming year was to be standoffish because I didn't know what else to do.  I was so scared of crying all the time whenever I saw anyone pregnant, especially people I was close to like Brittany, that I shut down.  I knew I could talk to Brittany about anything - she had gotten engaged and was planning a wedding, something I love doing - but I couldn't open my mouth to talk to her without wanting to cry. At Brandon's grandfather's birthday party last summer, I sat in the bathroom and cried for half an hour because I was so upset that I wasn't pregnant with Brittany.  I was angry and jealous and so consumed with wanting a baby that I struggled to keep it together. And, like I said, it wasn't just Brittany. It was every pregnant person and I work in a field where I have to see a lot of newly pregnant people and I have to tell people they are pregnant.  I will be the first to admit that it's hard to be happy for someone who has what you want.  I had a co-worker who didn't want to tell me she was pregnant, because she knew I was struggling to get pregnant and she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Last summer I was invited to five baby showers over the course of three months. In the fall, after our first negative treatment cycle I found out that my younger sister had gotten pregnant again.  Her first child wasn't even a year old and here she was - pregnant again. She would have two under two by two different guys before she was even 25 years old and here I was a 26 year old homeowner, married to an incredible man and unable to get pregnant.  I felt like every single person in the world was getting pregnant. Everyone but me. It was a terrible feeling and completely irrational and I couldn't even control my feelings.  That was the scary part - I knew how insane and irrational I was and I was not able to control it.  

When Brittany had Bella, I was so happy for Shane and Brittany and I was so excited to meet Isabella.  I really thought I had gotten it together since the incident at the beach house just 6 months prior.  I mean, Brandon and I were going through fertility treatment and things made more sense.  We had a plan and we were going to get pregnant - I just knew it.  It was shortly after our third cycle was cancelled because my body did not respond to the medication and I had ovarian cysts that we got the call that the family was getting together to meet baby Bella.  I thought this would be a good distraction.  Brandon's family is so much fun and so supportive and I was so excited to see everyone. Turns out - I was not ready for what was about to happen.  

Before I continue, I want to say that Brandon's mom is an incredible woman - she is very compassionate and supportive and always has the best of intentions and a good heart. When we got to Aunt Patti and Uncle Jerry's house, Lori was in all of her glory.  She had her family together and she was holding a brand new little baby.  Without even thinking about how certifiably insane I was at the time, Lori made some comments about being ready to be a grandmother, about patiently waiting for us to get pregnant, how Brittany was a great mom and that would be me soon, and about how Brandon was going to be an incredible dad - he was a natural holding the baby.  Again, I found myself in the bathroom crying. Brandon and I should have had our baby there too.  We should have been introducing our little ones for the first time. Needless to say, I was a disaster.  I was so scared of ruining the visit, that again I did the only thing I felt comfortable doing - I stayed away and was standoffish. It's hard to be so happy for someone while being so sad for yourself. 

Thankfully just a couple months later, we had a very successful round of IVF at Shady Grove Fertility and Brandon and I got pregnant in February.  I know that the struggle I went through has only made me a stronger person and I know that my marriage has been tested by this as well and we are only stronger as a couple because of it.  I wish it was possible that no one would have to go through what we did... well, I mean, that's not completely true because then I wouldn't have a job - but you know what I mean. The thing is, my parents pushed the "traditional" family building down my throat because that was what was most important to them and I really took it to heart.  I am very close with my parents and I wouldn't want to do something to disappoint them, especially after seeing how hurt they were by my sister's actions.  I mean, let's not get it twisted - Brandon and I lived together for two years before we got married and I wore ivory on my wedding day for a reason (and let's just say it wasn't because it made me look more tan than the bright white did), but I was just really careful because of my parents views.  

While "traditional" family building was so important to me, for now obvious reasons, it's not the only way things happen.  I have friends and family that are living proof of that.  Life happens and sometimes, it's funny how things happen and how much we learn about ourselves because of the twists and turns life throws our way.  I mean, in the end, I didn't even build my family the "traditional" way with the stamp of approval of the Catholic church. I might have done things the way my parents wanted and gotten married before I got pregnant, but it's thanks to the fertility treatment that's frowned upon by the Catholic church that I have a bun in the oven and I have two in the freezer for when we're ready to bake again. :)

29 weeks!

How far along: 29 weeks! [Just 11 to go!]

Baby is the size of an: acorn squash! She is between 15 and 17 inches long and weighs 2.5 - 3.8lbs.  As always, I am hoping she is on the smaller end of things!

Weight Gain: this is getting touchy :/ I am retaining water like it is going out of style. WOOF. Over the weekend I weighed myself and it said I gained 5lbs between Tuesday and Saturday.  By Sunday morning, I was back to my Tuesday morning weight. Holy water retention.  And apparently, the best way to fight water retention is to drink more water and I am the WORST at drinking water - go friggin figure. 

Maternity Clothes: still going with a little bit of both.  Although, on Monday I wore all maternity items... yikes. 

Symptoms/Sleep: Swollen feet is still the number one complaint. And as for sleep... what sleep? I toss and turn quite a bit at night and Sunday night I woke myself up by talking in my sleep.  I am a hot mess.  Poor Gemma has taken to sleeping on the ottoman at the foot of our bed because I toss and turn too much for her.

Food Cravings: I am still on a big sweets kick and peanut butter. I really cannot get enough of it.

What I miss: Sleep. I am sure come Saturday I will be missing beer as college football will be starting. ROLL TIDE.

Wedding Rings: Hmm another touchy subject. I have my engagement ring on and my wedding band on my necklace. I am terrified I won't be able to shove my wedding band on for maternity pictures. I don't care if that thing needs to be cut off of me after the pictures - I refuse not to have my ring on.  It took a lot of brow beating Brandon to get these dang rings in the first place! [Brandon once told me, after we got engaged, that I pressured him so much he was either going to propose or break up with me - clearly, I think he made the right choice].  They are very important to me so it's killing me not having them both on.

Movement: She is a nut job.  She moves around a lot. Some days it seems like constantly. Sunday night Brandon and I were laying in the guest room watching tv (I refuse to put a tv in our bedroom so we have one in the guest room across the hall from our bedroom) and I had him feel my stomach.  He could literally feel her foot.  I am still not sure if he was excited or completely freaked out by it.

Best Moment of the Last Week: It was awesome getting to see Brandon's family (especially Kyle!) and celebrate Derek and Nicole's marriage.  We were also VERY excited to find out that Derek and Nicole are expecting a little boy in January - Kyle Sawyer.  We knew they were pregnant, but to find out it was a boy was wonderful.  Gotta admit - I am a little bit jealous of the boy, BUT I am so excited to have a little girl thanks to seeing Brittany's little girl Bella. (However, at 9 months Bella is wearing some 18 months outfits and that terrifies me - for the love of all things holy, Natalie, BE LITTLE.) Another highlight (that started as a low light) was on Sunday afternoon I found out that some of the things in my blog had been taken the wrong way by some of Brandon's family members (which really upset me because it was NEVER my intention, so I have spent the last two days writing a post to clarify some things and explain my stance and feelings on certain things and clear up some misconceptions that I will post later this week) and I am happy to say that I got to talk to the person I had unintentionally hurt and I feel so much better about it. I am mortified that it even happened in the first place.

What I am most looking forward to: I am really looking forward to laying on the couch, propping my feet up, lighting my fall candles and eating corn dip while watching college football all day on Saturday.  Ahhh heaven.  I really hope it is nice enough to open the windows too. [Yes Lori, I know it's not technically fall, but if football is on, I think fall candles should be lit!] I am also really excited for my baby shower in a couple weeks :) I am over the moon excited to see my mom and get to spend some time with her.

28 weeks!

How far along: 28 weeks

Baby is the size of a: large eggplant... about 2lbs 4oz (WHOA) I also read that she is the size of a Chihuahua (16 inches long, 2+ lbs)... so I am basically carrying a much skinner Gemma. Yikes.

Weight Gain: On Tuesday at my appointment they told me I have gained 18 pounds since the beginning of my pregnancy.  Not too shabby. 18 pounds in 28 weeks. I am still shy of the 20-45 lbs I was told it was possible for me to gain, so I am trying to remain calm and optimistic that I won't put on too much more weight.

Maternity Clothes: I am starting to get excited about fall maternity looks and what I am going to wear for our maternity pictures at the end of September. I am going to D Torr in Madison, NJ this weekend to check out what accessories Danielle has in and if any of those are a "must-have" for maternity pictures... and my life in general.  I am also starting to worry about post-baby fall maternity looks. 

Symptoms/Sleep: I write this as I have my feet kicked up on my desk at work (so professional) to help with the swelling.  That is still my major complaint - the super sexy swelling.  I haven't had much of the heartburn that I so desire (because I believe in the old wives tales - even though they haven't been so accurate for me - and I hear heartburn = full head of hair). My lower back kills me on certain days, other days it's a non-issue.

Food Cravings: I have been really interested in sweet things... but I think that's because I had been trying to avoid them before my glucose screening test.  And of course, as soon as I start to avoid them - all sorts of sweet things are pouring into the office.  What the hay. I have also been a HUGE fan of pb&j sandwiches.  Uncrustables are the best thing to ever happen to my life.

What I miss: Being able to sleep through the night without peeing. Being able to make it until lunch time without peeing. Really - not peeing every 45 minutes to an hour. I also really miss sleeping on my stomach.

Wedding Rings: UGH. So I was making snickerdoodles over the weekend (like I said - I have been very interested in sweet things) and I wanted to take my rings off so that I didn't get anything gooey or sugary in them when I was rolling the dough in the cinnamon sugar and I could not get my wedding band off.  It look me forever to get them off. So now I am down a ring. I feel like one of those girls on "16 and pregnant" (I have been watching A LOT of "16 and pregnant" this week - it's totally my guilty pleasure) who gets a promise ring from her boyfriend because he feels guilty that he knocked her up and they aren't married yet.  I meant to add my wedding band to my necklace, but got sidetracked by cookies fresh out of the oven and didn't put my ring on my necklace until this morning.

Movement: She is moving tons and the little angel seems to most enjoy playing near my rib cage.  She gives me the most uncomfortable feeling there, but it's nothing a little push doesn't deter her from doing... for all of 2 minutes and then she is back at it.  Sunday night I was laying on the loveseat and Hank was sitting next to me.  She was kicking and they were the kicks you can see on the outside.  Hank was so intrigued so he used his nose to push at my stomach.  The little girl responded with more kicks and Hank responded with more nudging.  It was the sweetest interaction I think I have ever witnessed.  Sometimes I really think that big mookie boy understands what is happening.  She also REALLY responds to Dr. Levy's voice.  He and I were meeting yesterday and he was doing quite a bit of talking and she was doing quite a bit of moving.  It's almost like she knows just how important the man is with regards to the fact that she is here.

Best Moment of the Last Week: Well that moment with Hank definitely ranks up towards the top of the list.  On Saturday, Brandon and I went shopping for the baby to get her some sleepers for the winter so I could feel better about being ready to bring her home.  When we got home, Hank wanted to see every single item we purchased so one by one I took them out for him to see.  When I got to the pair of booties he smelled them and gave an approving look.  Gemma wanted to smell them too so I put them at her level and she bit the bootie and tried to pull.  Before I could say a word, Hank swatted her in disapproval. Like I said - sometimes he really seems to get it.  Also, Brandon and I had our newborn care and infant CPR class on Sunday where I learned that Brandon has NEVER changed a diaper before. How is that even possible?! Naturally, he was a champ.  He also learned how to swaddle and he is totally the swaddle master.  He practiced his skills on Gemma when we got home. 

What I am most looking forward to: Derek and Nicole's wedding reception this weekend! I am SO excited to see their new home, celebrate their wedding and all the other good things happening for them! They are an absolutely perfect couple and they deserve nothing but happiness.

Ignorance and Autism

Let me start by saying that, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, I hate stupid people.  And the only thing I hate more than stupid people is when people talk about things and act knowledgeable about things that they have absolutely no real understanding of. Ok, fine, I hate plenty of things more than that, but today that is the thing I hate most.

I might snap if I have one more person tell me that my child will have autism because:

• We did IVF
• We used ICSI as part of our IVF cycle
• I have done frequent ultrasounds
• I drank wine during my pregnancy
• I drank out of a water bottle that I left in my car (seriously, I wish I was kidding)
• I ate non organic fruits and veggies during my pregnancy
• I ate tuna fish while pregnant
• I plan to vaccinate my child

I might literally bite the person's head off.  There is absolutely no solid research that shows a link between autism and any of the things I listed above. Autism is caused by abnormalities in the brain structure. No single "trigger" has been identified as the problem that causes autism.  It seems that most REAL research finds a link between heredity, genetics and autism. The Mayo Clinic, which I find to be a very reliable source, says that they are doing research to see if, IF, environmental factors play a role. IF.

I am married to a very wonderful man who just so happens to be a special education teacher.  And not just any special education teacher, a teacher who specializes in students with autism and works in a program specifically for students on the autism spectrum. A man who is getting his master's degree in special education and has been taking numerous classes regarding autism. Do you see where I am going with this?!

Brandon has students whose mothers used drugs during their pregnancies and who didn't use drugs, who keep an organic diet and who didn't keep an organic diet, who were vigilant in their pregnancy healthcare and who were not so in tuned with their care during pregnancy, mothers who vaccinated their children and some that did not.  His students come from a variety of social and economic backgrounds and literally the one thing these kids have in common is that they all have some form of autism... and Brandon is their teacher, but that point is moot.

I have a coworker, Donna, who did ultrasounds every Monday during her pregnancy to see the heartbeat of her twins. Those ultrasounds were done ON TOP OF the appointments with her doctor.  And you know what - her twins are TOTALLY healthy eight year olds.  Not one sign of a learning disability. The sonographer who did my 20 week anatomy scan told me she did scans on herself every week, sometimes twice a week, and you know what - no autism or learning disabilities.  In Europe, there are women who drink wine every night with dinner and you know what, their babies are just fine.  In fact, in the US 1 in 88 child have autism and in Europe 1 in 150 children have autism.  Maybe we should all be drinking more wine!  If you clicked on the link to the Mayo Clinic, then you would have read that there is no link between autism and vaccinations. As for autism and IVF, I have worked at Shady Grove for over three years and in that time I have yet to hear a patient of mine complain about their child being born with autism and Dr. Levy has A LOT of repeat patients.

Yes, I am aware that the number of children being diagnosed with autism is on the rise.  I am also aware, because of the work that my husband does, that the diagnostic umbrella for autism is getting wider. Meaning the definition of autism is broadening.  Of course a broader definition is going to cover more things.  What I have learned from Brandon, his students and the many text books laying around my house right now is that there is ABSOLUTELY NO REAL LINK between the things listed above and autism so before you tell me that my chocolate sprinkle donut is going to cause my daughter to have autism, why don't you shut up and do a little research.  And at this point, the reality is, I would rather have a child with autism than one who is ignorant. WOOF.

Brandon, my love, will you be a dear and please hold my glass of wine and tuna sandwich while I step off my soap box? Thank you.

27 weeks!

How far along: 27 weeks, 2 days [which by normal people's standards is the beginning of the third trimester.]

Baby is the size of: a rutabaga... right...

Weight Gain: Not quite sure... I have my glucose screening test next week and I am sure they will tell me then how much weight I have gained throughout this process, but I like to maintain that I am ALL baby.

The bump and belly button: are their usual weird selves. Some days the bump seems to be reasonable in size and then sometimes it's like WHOA hello friend. On Monday I felt like I was absolutely enormous and then yesterday I looked much smaller. So weird.

Maternity Clothes: Still a healthy mixture of both. On Monday when I was totally bumping, I was in all pre-pregnancy clothes. Some things fit better than others, which is totally to be expected.  With the weather getting cooler, I need to break down and invest in some maternity jeans. 

Symptoms/Sleep: Some days are better than others when it comes to the super sexy swollen feet. That seems to be my major complaint.  Dr. Chipp the chiropractor told me some awesome exercises I could do to help with the pressure on my lower back and Brandon has been really wonderful about massaging my lower back to help relieve some tension.  I am sleeping well.  I have been waking up really early but I don't think that has anything to do with pregnancy - that's just my excitement about getting to work... right.

Food Cravings: The only night I really wanted an over easy egg on a burger.  I am VERY lucky that my husband just rolls with the cravings.  He made me the most delicious burger ever. He is the best :)

What I miss: nothing this week.  Clearly I haven't seen any awesome bar specials this week.  We went out last week to celebrate Monica's birthday and I had a glass of red wine sangria at dinner so I didn't miss out on anything and it was SO delicious. 

Wedding Rings: still on :) we are going strong with this one!

Baby Names: Come November, Brandon and I will be bringing home our little Natalie Grace. 

Movement: she is one active little human. She is constantly moving it seems so when I don't feel her, I do get a little worried, but I have yet to get worried to the point of calling the doctor.  People have asked me if she goes right to sleep after a glass of wine and it's just the opposite.  After I have a glass of wine it's like the little girl is dancing.  I love it.  I am taking it as a sign that she loves wine like her mommy :)

Best Moment of the Last Week: Finding the perfect pink for the nursery.  I didn't want it to look like the coated stomach in the pepto commercials , but I didn't want the nursery to be completely neutral.  I wanted just the cutest little touch of pink and I found it in her window valance.  It's perfect.  It is something that she won't outgrow anytime soon which was really important to me.  I didn't want her room to be too "baby".  I wanted the nursery to have a theme, but I didn't want it to look like the theme threw up in there.  I also didn't want it to be something she would out grow anytime soon.  I think we did a good job of getting it just right.

What we are most looking forward to: I am pretty excited about our classes on Sunday, but I am MOST excited about celebrating Derek and Nicole's wedding next weekend!  I am so incredibly happy for them and all the really awesome things that are happening for them in the last year and in the year to come.

I mean really... How soon is too soon?

If you know me, you know I am a total freak.  I love to have things planned and done way earlier than they really need to be done.  Before my freshman year of college, I was packed ready to go before August even rolled around.  It wasn't just because I was excited to go to college and get the hell out of my parents house, it was because I am a lunatic.  It didn't just happen my freshman year - it happened every year. I had things packed and ready to go very early.  Planning for the little girl has been the same.

I had the little girl's crib put together before my first trimester was even over.  In fact, I was 10 weeks pregnant when the crib was put together.  Brandon painted the nursery the perfect soft pastel mint green color that matched the nursery bedding before we even moved into the house.  More than that, I had the bedding picked out before I was even pregnant. I have been planning for this child long before I realized how hard it was going to be to have her.  Her nursery is complete - well almost, I am missing a window valance.  I went to Kohls to get it, but they didn't have it in store so I had to order it online.  It should be here before August 20th so we will have the nursery tour between now and then!  I have even started moving furniture around in our living room to make room for her pack-n-play and swing that we do not even own. 

I love feeling prepared. I love having things done and crossed off the list, especially when it comes to planning for the little girl. The scary reality of things is that I could go into labor at any time.  I have two co-workers that gave birth 6 and 7 weeks early.  The idea of that terrifies me.  While I have 13 weeks to go and I do not think I will go into labor early, I do want to have things ready to go in case - God forbid - I did.  Pinterest does not help this feeling at all.  I feel like in the last week I have pinned a TON of hospital survival kits, packing checklists - of course Jessica's from Little Baby Garvin is my favorite, and cute gift ideas for the labor and delivery nurses. What? I work with A LOT of former and current labor and delivery nurses and they are FABULOUS women and if the nurses I get are anything like them, then I definitely want the nurses who help to bring my little girl into the world to know just how much I appreciate them.

So today, when I was doing some nesting and cleaning in our bedroom, I was organizing all of our luggage and my purses and the question came up - how soon is too soon to pack our hospital bag?  Just this morning on our way to breakfast I was on a rambling tangent about how important it is to me that have the car seat installed by the time I get to 35 weeks. Yes - I am aware that 35 weeks is still 8 weeks (you know, 2 months) away, BUT given how jam packed the next 8 weeks are - I felt compelled to bring this to Brandon's attention. 

Seriously, the next 8 weeks are going to be nuts. Sunday 8/18: Newborn care and infant CPR classes and my little cousin Olivia's 4th birthday party. Saturday 8/24 Derek and Nicole's wedding reception. September 1st & 2nd: work. September 7: BABY SHOWER! woohoo. September 14: Michelle's 30th birthday extravaganza. September 15th: Bridal Shower. September 20-22: the Sye-Erway wedding weekend. September 27: Maternity Pictures. October 3: Brandon's birthday. October 4: Nowlin-Kakalec wedding. October 11: Garner-Gordon wedding. October 19: Brandon & my joint birthday/final fancy date night before small human arrives. October 26: my birthday. November 2: James-Doud wedding (which sadly I don't think we'll be able to attend given how close it is to the due date). Did I say the next 8 weeks would be crazy? I meant 12 weeks. 

That being said - when am I going to have time to pack bags?! So now we're back to the question - how soon is too soon to be prepared?! 

26 weeks - THIRD TRIMESTER!

How far along: 26 weeks, 2 days... and according to my OB/GYN, we are officially in the third trimester! HOW INSANE IS THAT?! Also, we have hit double digits until my due date. This week seems to have quite a few small human/pregnancy milestones! 

Baby is the size of: a head of lettuce.  She is about 14 inches long and can weigh anywhere from 1.5 - 2.5 pounds... I am hoping we are leaning more towards the 1.5 lbs :)

Weight Gain: I do not keep track of this from week to week, otherwise I would drive myself mad.  As of my last appointment I had only gained 15 pounds and I am ok with that.  Brandon and I have been doing a lot of walking and activities to keep me active so I feel really good and that's what is most important to me. On Monday we went fishing and we did quite a bit of walking around the lake.  It was awesome to have a day off with him :)

The bump and belly button: are still weird. The bump looks good - some days I feel like it's my best accessory... Other days I feel like this thing is enormous and I want it this whole thing to be over with.  I hate saying that out loud though, I don't want to wish my pregnancy away.

Maternity Clothes: a mixture of both still.  It's nice. I love my work maternity pants. 

Symptoms/Sleep: The only real symptom I have is swollen feet and that's only some days.  I haven't had any fake labor or anything cool like that. OH! I have been getting more heartburn lately which makes me happy which sounds crazy.  But the old wives tale says that heartburn means a full head of hair and I would LOVE for her to be born with as much hair as I had!  Brandon was a bald little baby for so long and I always had lovely luscious locks of hair... not to toot my own horn or anything.  Sleep has been pretty decent.  Some nights I sleep really well, other nights I sleep ok and then some nights Hank makes sure I have absolutely no sleep whatsoever. 

Food Cravings: I can't say I have really had any during the last week. I have been eating lots of fruit and could always go for some watermelon, but I don't crave it. I just eat it when we have it which has been just about always lately.

What I miss: MARGARITAS.  Brandon and I passed a place that has $1.99/margaritas on Mondays. Guess where I will be the Monday after the little girl is born?! :)

Wedding Rings: still on and still feeling good :) I keep a very close eye on my salt in take so that I can keep wearing them. 

Baby Names: As you know, we know the name :)  I plan on doing a nursery tour on the blog in the coming weeks and since her name is on the wall, the cat will be out of the bag then.

Movement: there has been TONS.  On Sunday she was in a particularly feisty mood.  I love being able to see her move - we just get punches every now and then, I am waiting on the alien moment that I hear of where you can see her hand/arm/foot whatever move across the belly.  I am not sure that I am ready for that one!

Best Moment of the Last Week: DEFINITELY our childbirth class.  Childbirth and Babies does a REALLY awesome job with their childbirth class.  Brandon and I left there feeling really good.  It wasn't overwhelming which is what I almost expected. It was a nice pace and covered a lot of information in just enough detail and then we were given a book that really covered the rest of the details.  It was so well done. The instructor of the class, Emma, told Brandon and I after the class that we seemed to have a really good grasp on things and had realistic expectations about the whole childbirth experience. It made me feel good to hear that from someone who clearly sees a lot of expecting parents.  I also really enjoyed my day off with Brandon. We went fishing at Greenbriar State Park and while we didn't catch anything, I beat him in a cast off competition and I got to spend some quality time with that wonderful husby of mine :)

What I am most looking forward to: this week being over. It's been pretty friggin brutal at work this week and I work on Saturday so this is going to be a long week. I am also looking forward to our newborn care class that is coming up on the 18th.